The worst crying is when you’re lying in bed, with your hand over your mouth so you don’t make noise. The tears are running onto your pillow and your heart’s breaking and you’re thinking of everything that made you cry, and your other hand is on your heart or stomach because they’re both hurt.

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Her. 

She is the muse to her own sorrow.She is the digger of her grave. She is the painter of her Ocean View and every strong, light and fatal wave in the ocean created by her. 

She is the shadow of her father and mirror of her mother, She is the darkness in your light,She is the night without the stars that normally surrounds the pale moonlight. 

She is music with no words, tune with no pitch, sweet love with no heart. She is your dreamer, your submissive, cold by warmth with every season.

She is yours, cold intentions withheld,She is your baby cold and shaken. She is the bold and pure like a soul refreshed from the depths of slumber. 

Fear

Most people, actually, all people have felt fear at one point or another in their lives. Personally, I have had several fearful encounters throughout my lifetime.Someone once said, it’s not about being fearless,its about taming the fear and knowing what to do with it.                     Circumstantially, bodies react to fear in different ways but the most common is through adrenaline production. This is also commonly termed as the fright flight situation. Most people don’t even know what happens besides the fact that they feel a despicable amount of pain after overcoming their ordeals.                                 Someone once told me that in order to overcome your fears you have to face them. In fact, slay the demons,in this case ,the causes of your fears are your demons.   So recently, I was at my friends house for a sleepover  and all I felt was fear.I tried holding it in but whenever my friend was not within a 1m radius of me i’d completely break down and get paranoid. The first thing I’d do was either pretend to be asleep or on my phone mostly or just flee towards him.At first, his impression was that I was shy bit after several encounters with his family with consistent behaviour, he realized I was just antisocial on another awkward level. He tried talking to me about it and I completely shut down but once I got home and contemplated on my awkward behaviour in a new environment I decided I had to find a way to overcome the obnoxious thoughts I had by actually overcoming my fears. The next time I went over, I barely used my phone because I was really blending with the family.I decided to get out of my cocoon and voila! it worked.Sometimes,i think just a bit of thinking on a subject goes a long way. 

Different 

From the moment I began realizing,from my exact point of realization, I reckoned, I haven’t been the same, not the same as them. I hadn’t seen, I couldn’t yield my passions to the common field as they did. 

My heart wouldn’t beat to the sounds of their feet.Everything I loved, I loved alone. Then I realized the existence of my pain. I was not loved, I was just there in a world of love without love. Why isn’t empathy more empathized? 

Is it so hard to decipher the very much poorly encrypted code on my very worn out face? “I am tired,so fucking tired”

I always get left behind, there’s always just me being lonely and alone. “it’s okay, I am okay,i am fine. ”

Just a second glance! One more, is all I ask. I am at the brink of tears.I really, really, really need help before my skin tears. 😢😢

PAIN

Let me go, set me free of this paralyzing sickness that has taken complete control of me. 

All this pain I carry eats me alive. All this rage, darkens my thoughts, causing them to be darkened by a darkness that drowns me,suffocates me. I am literally choking at this point. My demons are destroying me, tearing my insides apart, raging for freedom as they consume every breath I have left. 

Let me go, set me free, release me, I don’t want, rather I can’t, fight anymore. Please let me be. 

Shackles of the past.

I can’t explain this darkness in me,
I can’t explain the hate that dwells in me,
I can’t explain this pain,
This agonizing ache,
That consumes all of me,
I can’t explain this demon,
This demon that resides in me,
I can’t even outline my basic profound days,
Neither my sleepless nights,
My seething madness,
Caused by the monsters in my head,
That torment me with their screaming thoughts,
Thoughts created from a painful past that left me for dead,dead inside.

My pathetic,tormented soul screams for peace,freedom?
I draw my last breath as i long to be seen,
I long for them to free me,
Let me spread my wings,
Finally be free,
And possibly happy.

Last Night😿

Last night I had a dream,
In my dream,
I am in a bittersweet mirage,
Thats tempting my cold heart,
My thoughts are swirling in circles,
But sadly,no matter how much i try,the swirling wont stop.

Shadows of what was,
Or what wouldve been,
Are still rolling dice,
Trying to uncover the unseen.

Whispers of the past,
Theyre really drowning me,
Pulling me in,
I am drawn to the memories,
Touching my chilled skin.

Cravings,so hard to neglect,
Sleeping to survive,
I just want to close my eyes,
Forever possibly,
Breathing but closed from the world,
Because in my dreams baby,you are still alive❤❤